A Twist in the Life of James Potter
by lknightly
Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this? R & R!
1. James' Journal Entry 1

**Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. A life that now deals with more than just laughter and jokes. James is now with the world on his shoulders. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this?  
**

**Author's Note: This fic would be a mix of Journal Entries, not only from James' but from other people. Just trying out a darker more angst James, than most stories.  
**

**Disclaimer: Characters you've already read from J.K. Rowling do not belong to me! **

**James' Journal Entry #1**

Two days.

Two days more and I can finally leave this hell hole.

That is of course if I survive.

Is that even possible to?

This summer has definitely been an eye opener for me. You know as teenagers, we rarely think about what's happening around us, around the our country and even less about the world. And about the future? Even less. What we think about is just about NOW. The current trends, friends, and gossips. The furthest I used to think about was what was going to be my next prank? prank victim?

Yet I've done nothing more than think about my future these past few months.

I guess I've changed.

Change.

What an amazing word. A word that many people fear and many welcome it with open arms. And I? I wished that I never had to change. My change was a consequence. A consequence that I'd never dream on anyone. But I guess anyone who had a parent, or in my case both of them being tortured mercilessly in front of them would have to change.

And I wish it would've just been that and I'd be just depressed. But I guess I'm not that lucky that my biological mother (she left me and my dad when I was 'round two) and his bastard of a husband came to claim guardianship over me and, what's even more unfortunate, my little sis, Elizabeth Hope Potter.

But I guess you're wondering what's so unfortunate to meet your long-lost-mother and his husband?

HE'S a DRUNK. Usually, all the time, he's completely arseholed, pissed, whatever you prefer. And what's even worst he's filthy rich, not actually rich but has the ministry on his pockets or so to speak - he's good with charity works on hospitals, ministry balls, and so much more (so much more meaning he's the best friend of the fucking 'Minister of Magic') - , so I can't face him at least not right now. Who'd hear the voice of a teen vs. the "Ferdinand Fritz", the guy who ironically gave St. Mungo's the nursing and mother's ward.

Ironically, you might wonder why?

Well, the answer is three sad words: he beats me. _sigh. _All that I can thank is that he takes it on me and not on my sis. Yeah, my sis, my little angel, my beaker, my hope. She's the reason I don't drop dead. And well thank the Lord for Ferdinand's strong ethics towards female gender. I used to count how many times he punched, stepped, and knocked me off, but lately I've got no strength to even think straight. Right now every single fiber being in my body is aching and pouncing so badly you'd wish to pass out.

So I leave you tonight to save some strength and maybe just maybe I'll be able to finally leave in just one day, twenty hours, and oh-damn it! I think my watch smashed the bedpost too hard.

_**And that's it folks! That's chapter one! Please R/R. I'd love some comments that way I improve this fic as it needs to.!**_


	2. James' Journal Entry 2

**Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. A life that now deals with more than just laughter and jokes. James is now with the world on his shoulders. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this?**

**Author's Note: This fic would be a mix of Journal Entries, not only from James' but from other people. Just trying out a darker more angst James, than most stories.**

**Disclaimer: Characters you've already read from J.K. Rowling do not belong to me! **

**James' Journal Entry #2**

Yesterday, as I was saying my wrist and watch broke.

Damn.

At least it wasn't my left hand.

So, continuing with my series of disgraceful events, today's tale started like this.

This morning I woke up screaming. Screaming? From what you'd wonder. But I guess I didn't and haven't explained my story completely to you. Gosh. I must be going crazy. I'm referring 'you' as a person and actually you're an _it_! A _thing_ I don't owe any explanations to! But yet, I am explaining. Explaining myself to 'you'. I guess I'll name you Lauren, as in the first gift I chose to give to what was then baby Liz a.k.a. Elizabeth, a gift that brought luck to my sis when she had it (Sirius unfortunately burnt it accidentally when he was trying to prank me). My mom named the teddy bear so I guess that you must be special. Besides you're the last gift my parents left me. I just discovered it yesterday. A month and few days after my birthday. My mom loves doing my school shopping before hand. Really WAY beforehand. How does she get the school list? She was a really close friend from Dumbledore and always asks him to send him the book list as soon as he can.

And yeah, I think Monica – yeah I refuse completely to call her 'mom', except when being forcibly demanded – and Ferdinand stored it on the attic, and remembered that I had to leave to Hogwarts soon and decided to give me my books.

Sorry, drifted up from the topic. So, yeah, I woke up screaming. Shouting from the nightmares I've bee having lately. Nightmares filled with my parents tortured and screaming, death eaters (yeah those fucking bastards that have shattered a once perfect family), and blood. Yes, I was there. I was there when my parents were tortured 'till death, and they, made me watch while my father begged them not to beat me up - which by the way they did - I spent a month – A MONTH – maybe for muggles they'd be alright with a month at a hospital, they're so rustic sometimes, but for a wizard to spend a month at St. Mungo's there it must be really some remarkable injuries. Liz was drugged with a potion that made her sleep for three weeks and also lower your body's defenses, I wished they'd drugged me too, in fact I wish that all this summer was a nightmare. My current guardians, do not know about this – they know the printed by the 'Daily Prophet' version of it. So, they beat me up for screaming from the nightmares, actually it doesn't matter if they knew or not, they'd still beat me up for whatever they want. They call me 'weak', 'pest', and various other degrading things to me. At the beginning those words really stung. Like a bullet straight to my pride. Come on, it's me the 'James Potter', top student, master in pranking, leader of the Mauraders, and Quidditch Captain and chaser – yeah, I don't like to brag but since I became captain we've won the house cup -, no one insults me, except some Slytherins – nudge, nudge, Snape – 'cause they insult me too and well I really can't let myself be beaten so I prank them, and Lily Evans –well, she's special, what else can I say? Now, insults have become so constant I rarely react to them. But today's beating was worse than usual. Must be 'cause the nightmare felt as real as that dreaded day.

Apparently, Ferdinand arrived not last night, but this morning after having spent the whole night drinking out with his 'wealthy' 'rich' friends. And he was about to finally sleep, and I screamed - what a lucky timing I've been having - so he came and well -

-Bloody hell! I think I've got a piece of glass piercing my rib.

**OUCH! **

Sorry, had to bite my blood soaked pillow to keep from screaming my - what I now believe - stabbed lung.

And - AGH- not only on my ribs, but I've got another piece of glass on my shoulder.

How am I going to cover this to the Mauraders? Sigh. I can't tell them about this. Not even about the night my parents died. It's too humiliating. Embarrassing. I can't load them with this. They've got enough on their plates as it is. Sirius ran away last summer from home, and is currently with his Uncle trying to look for a flat (or maybe he already has it - I really haven't kept touch this summer), Remus, isn't being a werewolf and having economic problems enough?, and Peter, well his mother is sick, and he was emotionally unstable last year.

I can't do this to them. But what story can I make them up? I'd have to go straight to Poppy's once I get to Hogwarts. If I ever do.

HOGWARTS!?

Crap.

I completely forgot about homework.

My mind has been in various other things.

Mainly just trying to stay alive.

Would the professors be comprehensive towards me? It'd be fun to try. They'd be comprehensive that maybe my work won't be that perfect 'cause my parents just died, but from not doing it AT ALL?

And what if these homeworks DO COUNT for my future? Like the OWLs did. Sad. That is what my worrying is. I'm on top of every other class I've been since first year. Except Charms. Professor Flitwick (my charms professor at Hogwarts) sent me a note that I barely passed my Charms OWLs exam and to stay in the Advanced Charms class (NEWTs preparation levels) I need to consider some tutoring at it. Damn. Well I can't be that perfect I guess. Why do I worry so much now?

Why?

_Sigh_

Because that's my only ticket from becoming someone. And I really NEED to become someone. Like the great Unspeakable my mother was, or the top Auror my father was. Not only to prove these freaking guardians of mine wrong. But to take care of Liz. So no one else has to suffer like I have. To prevent these cases of child abuse to happen.

And maybe be able to send Ferdinand to Azkaban. And Monica to an insanity ward at St. Mungo's.

Breathe _in_. Breathe _out_.

My head feels light right now. I guess from too many thoughts crawling in my head.

The lack of oxygen might also be the cause of it.

And to think that I was supposed to be moving out of this house. Yeahp, that day, May 22nd, the day the death eaters attacked, we were celebrating not only my mom's birthday, but also the last day we'd be in this house, the house elves were going to finish packing up the rest of things next day (like my dad's favourite couch and my mom's favourite cooking pots). We were moving out the next day to the infamous 'Potter Manor'.

I guess life - and specially mine - has very unpredictable and very sharp turns.

_Groan_

Holy shit of -!!! Note to self: I should stay away from painful topics and words when injured. Those words remind me of the blazing presence of pouncing glasses and bruises in my body.

In these times I wonder. Why the hell hasn't Hogwarts - the supposedly best school of witchcraft and wizardry - not taught us any single spell for Healing?

Until next time 'L' and hopefully safe back at Hogwarts.

**_Special thanks to livin and breathin and Miss. Sunshine for being my first reviewers. _**

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**_Hope all of you liked it and please review! Thanks! _**


	3. James' Journal Entry 3

**Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. A life that now deals with more than just laughter and jokes. James is now with the world on his shoulders. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this?**

**Author's Note: This fic would be a mix of Journal Entries, not only from James' but from other people. Just trying out a darker more angst James, than most stories.**

**Disclaimer: Characters you've already read from J.K. Rowling do not belong to me! **

**James' Journal Entry #****3**

Hi _L_!

Surprised?

I'm amazed myself that I am still here.

Alive.

At Hogwarts.

And yes, _L,_ it has been a quite some days since I last wrote. Apparently the professors are comprehensive about my not handing out the homework, but they're not exempting me to do it. I've got to hand all the summer homework all my other classmates have done in the summer in two weeks! Plus, the each-class-homework assignments (they've definitely thrown everything at us, it's even worse than last year and we were in our OWLs!) and guess what? _Prefect duties_!

Amazed, like me?

Ha! I bet you didn't expect _that_! Me, James Potter, a PREFECT?

Dumbledore must really be outta his mind right now! But apparently Remus could not be a prefect 'cause he failed History of Magic with Binns on his OWLs.

Did you even KNOW that if you failed an OWL when being a prefect you couldn't be?

I DIDN'T!

And certainly right now being a Prefect is not on my priorities list. I've got too much stuff going on my mind than worrying on even MORE!

Like my 'Omitting Things List'.

Which must be over ten parchments worth!

You'd ask from what?!

But I guess I do have to start from the beginning of the week.

_I don't know, and I am not even sure how I got to King Cross' Station__. I just know that I took some concealing creams I found last night while packing, carefully not to wake anyone up, and placed it onto my bruises. I think I nearly missed the train. Bumped into thousands of people. Actually maybe it was just two or three. But it definitely felt like thousands. Finally, I find the Mauraders' compartment. Gosh, they look so angry._

"_James?" Remus called me._

"_W-what?" I told him._

_God, I feel so drowsy. _

"_Lily is calling you," Remus said, "apparently, you've got a prefect's meeting at the Head's compartment."_

"_What?! What are you talking about? What do I have to do with a Prefect's meeting? Isn't that what your job?"_

"_Don't act so stupid, James, I sent you a letter last week telling you that you got the __**it**__! Aren't you happy? At last? Wasn't that what you wanted?" __**Wanted? **__I guess I did. But just for a insignificant fragment of a second 'cuz my parents loved the idea of __**me**__ being a prefect. But then again, a Maurader being a Prefect? Except from Remus, there's no one else more adequate for that job. _

"_You sent me a letter?" I asked, trying to piece the things together. _

"_Of course I have, James!" Ok, lemme see if I get this straight. Not only are __**they**__ beating me up, but took my mail too? __**Unbelievable!**_

"_And so have I, James," said Sirius "Are we really that unimportant to you anymore? I know that your parents died, and you wanted maybe some alone time, but are we worth not even a response?!" yelled Sirius. And he pushed me. Sirius probably hadn't meant to push me so hard. Still, my shoulder feels like exploding. I bit my lip. Remus starts staring at me weirdly. Gosh, James! Compose yourself before someone notices._

"_Guys, that is not what I wanted" Crap. How can I explain to them that my 'parents' took them from me? Shite! If I tell them that then they're start getting suspicious. _

"_Then why do you do that? A simple response like 'Please give me some more time to digest my past events' would've done the trick. James you even blocked us from fire calls and floo connection! Does our friendship mean so little for you!?!" __Sirius wondered._

"_I think you've got the wrong impression" Can my response be any lousier? _

"_Then explain to us, James. No a__nswer to our posts, nor our fire calls, whom we noticed afterwards that we were blocked, you blocked our floo connection, what is the __**impression**__ we've got to think from that? And I'm not even getting to the part that you YELLED at me at the St. Mungo's!"_

_Shit._

_But then the compartment's door opened. Another angry, yet gorgeous face appeared. There she was. Lily Evans. My current crush for the past year. _

_SLAP!_

"_Stop staring at me you IDIOT! The Head Girl sent me to look for you and I've wasted an HOUR looking for you! We're bloody late for the meeting."_

_I feel the soft beatings of my heart pouncing off my chest. It's hard to breathe now. I've got to take it easy._

_I see the Mauraders staring at me intensely. What can I tell them? All points are not working towards me, but against. I'm against a super strong current of water that with a small crack the whole damp will crumble. And its not that I don't want it to crumble. But I CAN'T. I can't ask them to understand. I wouldn't be able to. Not until this happened to you already, one would not – could not- understand what's going on with me._

"_Are you even listening to me!?" She yells at me. God. She's so gorgeous with her fiery eyes. Come on, James – SNAP OUT OF IT!_

"_Yes, I am," I said grinning sheepishly. A few girls outside sigh from my smile. If only that would work with her._

"_Then what are you waiting for? WE'RE LATE!" If looks could kill, Evan's stare would've certainly done it. But I can't help but feel relieved. I've just been saved by the bell. Like muggles would say. I guess I'll take a rain check with the Mauraders. But from their gazes, I'd say that it'd be – unfortunately- sooner rather than later._

"_So? What did you do?" she asked._

"_Did what?" I wondered._

"_What did you do to get the Prefect's badge? 'Cause you certainly don't deserve it at all. Did your father's influence to the School Board had to do with something?" she said menacingly. _

_My father? Who is she talking about? My dad? Thomas? Or that asshole of Ferdinand?_

"_So you accept that __your father __**finally**__ 'persuaded' the Board?" she inquired. I guess she means my real dad. But hasn't she read the news or something? I know my scarred faced was on the Prophet for days._

"_No. Not at all. I certainly don't even want this job." I __muttered. Thinking about my parents always makes a lump to my throat._

"_You don't want it? Last year you were begging for __**it**__!" she yelled. _

_She's actually referring to a sort of 'play' the Mauraders and I put up. Just to __**prank**__ Remus on being a Prefect –whom, by the way, is taking it personal instead of a prank._

"_It was a PRANK for goodness sake!" _

"_So, you admit you're a Prankster! What has the world become to? A Prankster for a Prefect!" _

"_I DON'T WANT TO BE A PREFECT! Is that so hard to understand for you? Do I have to spell it for y-"_

_Bang! She just slammed the Head Compartment's door on my nose and unfortunately my shoulder as well._

_Groan._

_Hope no one saw me right now. Having the freaking glass on my shoulder is not an easy feeling. And I bet the painful expressions must be quite a show. I've got to rest a while before I can face that people. _

_Breathe. As if that was a painless thing to do! _

_Relax. One. Two. Three._

"_Where's James?" _

_I could hear that from outside the compartment. _

"_He's outside." Crap. They're going to open the door. Loosen up. Throw up a charming smile. That always works._

_Crack._

_And there Frank Longbottom, apparently our new Head Boy, opened the door. _

"_Are you coming in or what?"_

"_Yeah, just fixing myself a bit 'cuz __**someone**__ slammed the door on my face!" I said, my eyes fixed on a certain red head._

"_Well, if you just stopped yelling and stared on where you were walking into then MAYBE, you'd be smart enough to not get yourself knocked off by a door!"_

"_And MAYBE if yo -" _

"_Cut it off you two!" Is it me or is it a pick on James day? Where everyone cuts me off, slams doors on my face, screams at me. And I thought coming to Hogwarts would be a nice change._

"_This year Alice and I have been working on some great ideas and I hope that __**everyone**__ helps us out. Therefore, you two better fix whatever that's going on between you guys 'cause I will not tolerate that behavior from you both! And James, where's your badge?" Since when is Frank so uptight? I guess being a HB and maybe impressing Alice has to do with some of it. _

"_Hhm__m, don't know. I didn't know I was a prefect 'til today."_

"_See? He's irresponsible! He's an egoistical selfish git that thinks no one is greater and better than him."_

"_James, when the meeting is over, stay over to talk" said Frank._

"_Alright," I muttered. And then the meeting started. It took like around half an hour. Frank telling the prefects their responsibilities, our honor code – we cannot take points off just because of no reason – and even more stuff. I really don't know well what they talked. I dozed like about three times during the meeting. _

_CLAP!_

"_James, are you alright?" asked Alice. Oops. I think I drifted off sleeping._

_Silence._

_No one else is talking. It seems that the meeting is over and everyone has already left, except the Head Boy and Girl._

"_Yeah, I'm fine. Just didn't sleep much last night." More like I didn't sleep much all summer. Yet I responded her with a grin. _

"_Well, remember that you've got to do patrol tonight." Tonight? And here I was thinking that maybe I was going to look for the book of healing. _

"_Alone?" I asked. Maybe if I was alone, I could go to the library and take the book._

"_No. You're with Evans tonight." Damn. I can't escape or take a break with Evans. As much as I hate to admit, she's just so FULL of herself. Did I notice that before? I guess that last year I was ok with the bickering. But today I'm just so tired of it. Tired of fighting. Tired of all._

"_Oh, and you know the prefect's/captain's bathroom is at the hidden behind the fourth door to the left of the statue of Boris the Bewildered." said Alice as she walked out of the compartment._

"_Well?" he asked me. _

"_What?"_

"_What's that of you not wanting to be a prefect?"_

"_I don't think I can handle it. Please. Me? A prefect? I'm a Maurader for goodness sake!" Frank knows. He knows about us. The Mauraders. And a few years ago he covered us in some of the greatest prank we've pulled on the Slytherins. _

"_So? Remus is a Maurader."_

"_It's not the same."_

"_Really? Explain it to me, then."_

"_He's the smart, organizing, reliable, and the ONLY responsible one of the group."_

"_I happen to disagree on that. You've led the Gryffindor Quidditch team through many victories. And __**that**__ can't be accomplished without a certain degree of responsibility." I hate that. I hate it when Frank use reason with me. _

"_But I don't think I can handle being a Captain and a Prefect all at once!"_

"_Why don't you think so?" If you only knew, Frank, my life right now is plainly a complete nightmare. I can't even take care of myself. I'm trying to figure where the hell is my sis. How can I take care of a thousand others? _

"_Just because I can't! Why can't someone else take the post?"__ Idiot. I'm such an idiot! Why can't I answer the things correctly or even make up a GOOD excuse?! I think this summer my brain was damaged. It could've been the 'Sectusempra' that Ferdinand aimed at my head. _

"_Well, if you must know, because you're the only eligible student."_

"_What do you mean with that?" Me? The only eligible student. In what world are we in? _

"_I mean that the rest of your roommates do not have a good profile to be a prefect. Remus, well since he flunked History of Magic, he can't be a prefect. Sirius? He broke off the detention record. Peter? His grades are too low. So, no. No one else can take the post but you."_

"_Can I ask Dumbledore? Maybe to make an exception with Remus?" That would be the wisest thing Dumbledore could do!_

"_You can try. But I don't think you'd be able to convince him."_

"_Well__, it is worth the try." I sigh. Feeling my eye lids close._

"_Are you really ok? You know with your parents gone, and all that stuff." Frank. He seems nervous. He's always been like a big brother to the Mauraders. When his dad died a few years ago, my family helped his mom Augusta to rebuild his shattered house. __But even before that tragic incident, he always helped us._

"_I'm dealing. I guess."_

"_Well, you know you can always count on me right? Through thick and thin bro."_

"_Through thick and thin" I whispered._

"_I'll tell you what. Use this compartment to sleep. You really seem to need it, and even more if you have to patrol tonight. Oh! Alice forgot to tell you the bathroom's password. The password is 'family'." And with that he left._

_Slowly I laid on the compartment's floor's carpet._

_Family.__ And bit by bit tears escape through my eyes. Will I ever be able to save mine?_

_And I feel tired._

_Closing my eyes._

_Drifted off…_

_Until. _

"_James. Wake up!" someone called me. _

_Groggily I focused my eyes to my glasses and see Frank staring at me._

"_We're fifteen__ minutes away from Hogwarts. You better get changed," said Frank._

"_Ok. Alright. I'm up," I sighed._

_I hear Frank closing the door again and let out a groan – damn those pieces of glass, they're making my days __**very**__ rough._

_And I've got to look for my trunk. Unfortunately, my trunk is at the Maurader's compartment. And facing __**them**__ right __**now**__ is very probable._

_Opening the Maurader's compartment door I feel like running opposite to it. But I guess someone sensed my incoming and opened the door abruptly. _

_It was __Sirius._

_And the__ look on his face was clearly angry._

"_So, you decided to come here after all?" he questioned me. _

"_I've got to change," I said to him. _

"_Where were you?!" _

"_I was at the Head's Compartment."_

"_Doing?!" asked Sirius in an accusing tone._

"_Absolutely none of your business." Ok. Maybe I shouldn't have responded just that. But my head is feels like bursting and discussing only makes it ten times worse._

"_Is that how it's going to be now?" Remus asked._

"_Be what?" I asked confused. _

"_Our friendship. You're cutting us off!" _

"_I'm n-"_

"_YES, you are, James!" Sirius yelled._

"_Well if you guys are going to keep yelling at me. Lemme just take out my trunk and leave!" I know I've got a hot temper. I can't stand many things, and lately even less. _

_Sirius__ took a step backwards._

"_Leave? With no explanation? If you take your trunk and leave with no explanations. You'll be leaving us as well." Is Sirius giving __**me**__ an __**ultimatum**__? I can't believe it! I really can't take this anymore._

"_Then, I guess this is goodbye," I said sadly._

"_You're leaving, without even putting off a fight? I guess I thought you were greater, more Maurader leader like. And all these years I was wrong?" asked Remus miserably, while I was taking my trunk and left without a response._

_Shrinking and adding a featherweight charm to my trunk I transformed my clothes into the Hogwarts uniform._

Well 'L', as you can see I can put memories in here of what occurred and my thoughts during that time pretty alike a pensieve. It's a magical feature I just discovered 'cuz you're a magical journal and takes less time than writing. Hopefully, I'll find the rest of your features soon.

So, you probably have noticed the sucky train ride. And well the sorting was, is, really unclear to me. I felt like fainting the whole time. Barely ate, but I was friendless at the time. During the sorting, I sat besides Frank and Alice, to feel not that 'alone' but still felt maybe even worse, a third-wheel. Dumbledore completely blew me off, letting me know that my prefect job was not up for discussion.

Sadly, my night was not over and I **still** had to patrol with Lily Evans.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

_I listen to Lily's heels hit the seventh floor – the floor we had to patrol – with a rhythmic sort of tune. I guess I'm late. I went to the library to look for the 'Healing' book, but I've found absolutely none that covers taking out glasses and fixing myself up, apparently those are in the 'Restricted Section'. I guess I'll have to find a way to get into the 'Restricted Section'._

"_What took you so long?" she asked, her face obviously showing her discontentment. _

"_I got held up at the library." I answered her, catching up with her pace. _

"_Really?" she answered sarcastically._

"_What? You don't believe me? Ask Madam Pin-"_

"_I DON'T BELIEVE YOU. Just like I don't believe that your 'father' did absolutely nothing for you to get that prefect spot!" she yelled at me._

_My __father is dead. But I really don't feel like admitting it. I don't even want it to be true. And REALLY what's up with all that yelling at me? My head really hurts. Breathing hurts. Moving hurts. Do my eardrums have to suffer as well?_

"_Just SHUT UP! Can't you stop yelling? Can't you just ask me like a __**normal**__ and __**civilized**__ person, without the need to rise up your TONE?!" _

"_And since when are YOU such a __**civilized**__ person as you say you are? I would ask you a question if you would be such a __**normal **__person. But you are an insensitive egocentric spoiled bra-"_

"_Now, wait a minute, oh Miss-I'm-so-perfect I do everything absolutely right!"_

"_At least I __**do**__ things right! Not like __**you**__! You purposely __**do**__ things the opposite way that they've got to be. And you've got NO struggle in the magical world to do or __**become**__ what you want to be. You've got such a perfect __**family **__background, SO __**EASY**__, that is not only unfair to others but inconsiderate as well!"_

_Easy? _

_She thinks I've got it __**easy**_

_If she only knew how wrong she was. _

"_You know what?" I muttered, slowly rising my voice. "I won't stand any more of these insults at me. If you can't accept the fact that I got this spot fair and square, it's __**your**__ problem. Not mine. Not anymore."_

_And with that I walked away as farthest and opposite to her. _

"_POTTER! Where are you going? We've got to finish patrolling. I knew you'd leave before time. You asshole!"_

"_Evans, I'm patrolling this floor but away and as farthest from YOU!" I screamed back._

And maybe that's the best thing I've ever done. Walk around the seventh floor. I've never walked in circles so many times in one spot. And the weirdest thing is that a door appeared after I believe three times I walked near the tapestry rolls. The door is the entrance to a hidden room. Not even the Mauraders know about this room. It's not on the map.

Inside the room I found what was going to be my 'new' room at the Potter Manor. And luckily I found some 'Healing' books, like the book I took that was called 'The Bible for Healing: _Beginners to Pros Edition_'. It's got some pretty nice tricks for useless people like me and other awesome ones for people like Madam Pomfrey. At least by the first night half of my bruises were gone with the 'Wound-Healing Spell'. And well, really bad wounds like the punctured glass ones – which, well, I did manage to get the glass off my body (breathing was a bit better) – and the very large bruises need the 'Wound-Healing Potion' to disinfect and cure itself. But unfortunately they're quite infected making me feel completely lightheaded and drained most of the time. I'm still on the process of making the potions which are the following: _just in case I ever need a reference note on which potions to brew and take. _

Potions I need:

Dreamless Sleep Potion: helps me sleep, and will help the Gryffindor tower not to wake up from my screams – still I need to practice the _Imperturbable Charm_ – drinking too much dreamless potion makes you addicted to them. Takes about 2 hours to finish creating this fine product. Is what I've been drinking last couple of nights. But I can't use it everyday so I'm practicing the _imperturbable charm_.

Pepper up Potion: my infected wounds cause me to have flu and cold and everything that helps like this potion will be good. But it's got a side effect. It causes steam off my ears after being drunk. And being sick it's something I'd like NOT to announce to the world. Or Hogwarts. Oh, and it takes a day to brew.

Invigorating Draught: need energy to keep up with my schoolwork. Takes two days to complete this one. Drank one this morning. Works wonderfully.

Wound – Healing Potion: Last and MAIN potion that I need. It heals and closes open wounds. Unfortunately this is the one that takes more time than the rest. It takes four days of continuous craft to get this potion. I just can't wait for tomorrow, to finally be pain-free.

Apparently, I can't do much physical effort or the wounds might open up again even with the potions. And yeah, it's a bunch of potions, and I am glad and definitely need to thank my dad, **Thomas**, for leaving me his invisibility cloak. Actually I've got this cloak since I came to Hogwarts. My mom, Vanessa (not Monica – she's a fraud except maybe on the biological), thinks – thought - I got it last year from my dad. _Shrugs._ That was my special secret with dad. And really, the cloak is simply magnificent and helps you out in tight spots, like the one I'm in right now. This past few days has being really useful for me, 'cause I've been taking many ingredients from the Potion's Storage Room to make the potions. If I could, go out and buy my ingredients - which is in the **must** list of the next Hogsmeade trip- I would buy them. But I can't risk myself to that. Not without the Maurader's map.

The Mauraders. I really miss them and it's only been a three days since the train ride. They've completely ignored me the last few days. And, well I've been busy. Extremely busy with prefect's duties – it's not my main focus, but at least I have something to keep me distracted from my lack of friends and be with Lily for a while (even if it's just on silent mode, it's company)-, my summer homework, stealing the ingredients, making the potions. I've got no time. Really. I'm near the point of exhaustion. That 'Invigorating Draught' was a true lifesaver for me today. But now, that's already past midnight, its effects are almost completely gone.

And I still need to complete many things, like my Charms and Transfiguration essay on non-verbal incantations. And I'm dozing off. Maybe its 'cuz my sugar is low. Dunno. Haven't eaten much lately. Blame Ferdinand. He barely fed me at the 'Potter Residence'. Fed. Sounds like a dog waiting to be fed. So low. But it's how I feel I am. Tainted. Humiliated. Lonely. So much that people have noticed my drawback and I've got no post from Liz for a MONTH. I hoped maybe now that I was at Hogwarts some mail would've reached me already, but it hasn't.

So 'til next time, with any luck I'd be bringing you some good news, like maybe my wounds have sealed up.

_**A/N: Hello! Sorry for not updating that fast. I've been in really busy all this week. Anyways I hope I made it up with this chap!. I'll try updating twice to thrice a week. Any critics or comments are welcome. Thanks! **_

_**Wolf-of-Insanity**__**, bigteddy, and everyone who's reading thanks! I'll continue writing. Hopefully you'll all like this one. **_

_**livin and breathin**__**: I love reading your reviews. What a whacky day! That always happens on First days! But soon you'll get the hang of it. Anyways take care and hope that reading this chapter serves you as a great distracting from stress activity. Take care. **_


	4. James' Journal Entry 4

**Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. A life that now deals with more than just laughter and jokes. James is now with the world on his shoulders. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this?**

**Author's Note: This fic would be a mix of Journal Entries, not only from James' but from other people. Just trying out a darker more angst James, than most stories.**

**Disclaimer: Characters you've already read from J.K. Rowling do not belong to me! **

**James' Journal Entry #4**

Things haven't gone easier since I last wrote two weeks ago, in fact I think it only has gotten worse. I've been busy catching up with summer homework, regular classes, and prefect duties. I grow more tired each day. I think I might even be addicted to some potions, like the Dreamless Potion and Invigorating Draught. The only thing I could be grateful is that my wounds have finally closed. It took quite a long time to get the glasses out of my body, I almost passed out, but I think my recovery has sped up ever since I took them out.

Loneliness is one word I could describe these past few weeks. At first it was only the Marauders, but ever since I resigned captainship of the Gryffindor Quidditch Team, everyone has left me on my own. They think I've betrayed them. But I doubt my body can handle the strain.

The look of disappointment from all the teachers is starting to get to me. Specially from Prof. Mcgonagall. WHY can't they just leave me BE! I'm on TOP of all the classes, probably due to my lack of social interaction, but truth is you can't please everyone.

I wish I could at least please myself. Quidditch gives me energy like nothing else does, but I can't, I just can't deal with the pity stares the Quidditch team and specially Sirius would give me once they look at my scars. I know they're awful.

The healers gave me special salts to use to help with the scarring. Which I should do twice a week at least, but they wear me out. It's like burning your body, only that it slowly, too slowly helps the skin return to how it was. I've only done twice, one time before coming to Hogwarts and a week after I arrived.

I should've written more often. But I'm working myself to exhaustion to find loopholes in adoption papers. I wrote to Gringotts Wizarding Bank, to know about my personal bank account and found out it is empty. Ferdinand has emptied my personal vault! I think I better explain myself better with a small memory from last week, the day after I told McGonagall I quit the Quidditch team.

_As I finished what little breakfast I could eat, since my appetite hasn't been with me lately, owl post time came and to my surprise a letter with a Gringotts Wizarding Bank Seal was dropped right in front of me. _

_As I opened and read the letter:_

_**Mr. James Harold Potter-Fritz,**_

_I wanted to scream as I saw how my current guardians are changing my name. As I screened the Great Hall and noticed some nosy glares I tried to keep my cool. _

_**As requested, below you'll find the information of your personal accounts. Unfortunately you do not have the permission to access Ms. Elizabeth Hope Potter-Fritz account, since her account, as well as yours is currently administered by Mr. Ferdinand Fritz and Mrs. Monica Fritz. The Potter vaults are also private and cannot be touched by no one else but a Potter, until they reach seventeen. **_

_Sigh. At least they won't be able to touch the Potter fortune and legacies. But it rages me that they're monitoring __OUR__accounts! _

_As I kept reading the letter, anger started fueling me. I currently had zero galleons left in my personal account! Incredible. I know that I should have at least a hundred thousand galleons on my saving account. How will I survive this year?_

I'm still nervous about what will this year be. How will it unfold? I barely got a few galleons left that I hid from the Fritz.

_As I pocketed the Gringotts' letter, I saw the Marauders approaching me. _

"_Is it true?" Sirius asked. "Did you really leave the Quidditch team?!" _

_I groaned. I knew dropping off the team will bite me back, I just hoped it'd give me a few more days before having to confront Sirius. And right NOW my mood couldn't possibly be any better. _

"_What do you want me to say, that I didn't? Apparently you already know the truth, so why ask?" I asked him. _

"_Common courtesy, perhaps? Maybe, it is that I don't recognize you anymore James! You quit the team before even asking us, just throw us off the board like that! Do our opinions really so worthless you can't even ask?!"_

"_I do not need to answer to everyone's plea. I quit because of my own reasons, you can call me selfish, or whatever you want. But truth is why would I want your opinion?! You say you don't recognize me anymore, but you haven't even tried to even talk to me these past few weeks, so don't you dare throw it all on ME! Excuse me for my rudeness but I won't ask to someone who doesn't even want to talk to me."_

_And with that I left. _

I guess that I made a huge show for the Great Hall to see. Since then, I guess I'm shunned away from Gryffindors. Slytherins seem to take all their past anger on me since I'm now on my own.

It is humiliating when they taunt me and I don't have the strength to fight back. Resorting to the help of prefects or Head Boy or Head Girl is even more degrading.

"_Look who we've got here," Snape taunted, "__What happened to your friends? Left you after knowing how pathetic you are? Avery! Mulciber! Grab HIM!"_

"_Are you such a wimp that you need your minions to do your dirty job Snape?!" I told him hoping he'd back off. _

"_Shut up Potter, actually your last name is not even Potter, it's Fritz! It's not like you're any better." Snape responded as Avery and Mulciber grabbed me against the wall. I tried getting my wand but they noticed and threw it to the floor. The familiar feeling of helplessness took over my body, I can't believe even in Hogwarts I get stuck like this. "This is for getting even from all those years you mocked me. __**Sectusempra**__!"_

"_ARGHHH!" I screamed. Blood flew away from my body. I felt as they left me fall against the wall and ran away. I tried to stand up but I couldn't. I heard distant voices, I recognized Frank's voice, and surprisingly Lily's as well. _

_I froze. Of all the wizards and witches that could've bumped into me, why did it have to be her?_

"_Hold on, James," Frank said to me. "Lily, get Madam Pomfrey! Run FAST!" _

_I could hear her steps moving rapidly away, just like my heartbeat. Until I knew no more. _

I woke up a few days later, where everything hurt, again.

I wish I weren't in these situations anymore. It truly gets too tiresome. My body can only take so much strain. Even Madam Pomfrey warned me how it is even affecting my heart. As she explained I even had a minor heart attack. Part of it is due to the lack of effort I'm putting into myself. She did loads of scans into me.

And I was scared as hell. While she ran the scans, I could only pray and hope that the abuse would not show. And thankfully it didn't. I can only thank my brewing skills. I might have not appreciated it before, but it has truly saved me.

I haven't spoken, just kept my mouth shut ever since Snape attacked. The occasional nod, or shake of my head is all I do. I guess that's why Madam Pomfrey is letting me write. I've put on some protective charms to hide you. I can't let anyone know what I'm writing.

L, I'm scared, scared that they find out, I don't know how long I can put the tough guy act. I'm breaking inside. Shattered is more like it.

Pomfrey's giving me the LOOK as if she's found something bad, or strange.

I'll sleep right now before she tries asking more questions.

Goodnight L.

_**A/N: First of all I'd like to thank you all it cheered me up knowing that you all cared after I broke my arm. With good therapy my arm is as good as new. Almost. It has been way too long, I guess circumstances made it difficult, but I won't give the story up. I really apologize completely for not writing for so long! I promise I'll start working again on the story. I had to reread it all over again, which is still not much, I had a bunch of ideas for this story but unfortunately my laptop messed up specifically the hard drive, which made me loose all those precious ideas. They took forever to get my laptop to work (meaning they took over 2 months to get the part to repair) and well I've started working and university. Not an easy thing to juggle but I seem to have gotten the hang of it. **_

_**I'll try to post weekly (weekends will try for sure)! Anyways Happy Father's Day to every father out there! I love my dad and grandparents as well. Don't know what I'd do without my family. **_

_**As always I'd love to hear your input to this story. Reviews weather it's good or bad will help me improve.**_

_**Thanks livin and breathin, I hope this chapter cheers you up, I know that you're probably one of those who have been waiting for this. Lemme know if you liked it =)**_

_**I'd like to thank QElizabeth & The Flower Writer for reviewing as well. Do you know any other story with James's POV diary entries?! Would love to read them as well!**_

_**I guess that's it for now. R & R. Thanks!**_


	5. Lily's Journal Entry 1

**Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. A life that now deals with more than just laughter and jokes. James is now with the world on his shoulders. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this?**

**Author's Note: This fic would be a mix of Journal Entries, not only from James' but from other people. Just trying out a darker more angst James, than most stories.**

**Disclaimer: Characters you've already read from J.K. Rowling do not belong to me! **

**Lily Evan's**** Entry #1**

This year has been strange to say the least. It's been a month and it has been nerve wrecking and almost impossible to keep up with the amount of work teachers have put us in.

What came to my biggest shock of all was _**James Potter**_ as a PREFECT! It is the most irresponsible thing that Professor Dumbledore has EVER done!

I had to search all over for him in the Hogwarts Express. Then I found him talking with his friends. He acted silly with me denying completely that he ever knew that he was a prefect. And I just lost it. If you're it, then just accept it! Don't make the whole world beg you. But that clearly is what he wants.

Mighty – oh- James Potter, who thinks the rest of the world should be kneeling for him. How can Dumbledore ever put his trust that he'd be responsible! Remus should've kept being a prefect.

As predicted he barely paid attention to the meeting, he didn't even complain when it was announced that we were patrolling together. I think he even dozed off. How disrespectful of him! I know he comes from a wealthy family, but that clearly doesn't make him any better.

We did patrol, but as expected he got there late. Thirty minutes late! A mistake, or an oh-I-didn't-notice-how-late-it-was is fifteen minutes tops. He clearly wanted me to get angry. I guess he does that to me. I seem to be at my worst when I deal with him.

I clearly told him what I thought. One of my good qualities is being honest. I can't tolerate hypocrisy and especially when Potter is a clear example of a hypocritical person. He never thinks of anyone other than himself. He fauns over being a jokester, but still wants to be a prefect and that is what I call HIPOCRECY. Talks about being civilized when he NEVER is.

My friends tell me I have to get over my bigotry of Potter, but how can I?! When I see him asking the professors for an extended time for his summer homework and they actually agree with him! Isn't that unfairness? Why should he get extra time when the rest of us work hard to get good grades and be on the teachers' graces?!

And can you believe it? Super star Potter left the Quidditch team! What a nerve! The only good thing he ever did for the Gryffindors and he quit! I truly don't know what is going on inside his head!

Maybe it's just a hunch, but I see a darker Potter than last semester. He keeps himself pretty well hidden. I've barely seen him around, except when he's in classes. He seems to be in a continuous fight with his friends. I mean if his best friends are fighting with him that is a clear reason to know that he's up to no good. I trust Remus' judgment and he seems to be angry with Potter as well.

At least he is surprisingly responsible doing his Prefect duties. I give him one month more before his usual attention seeking drill starts.

I don't know why but I think I might even pity Potter. He seems too lonely. He's having confrontations with the Slytherins and that is never a good thing. They keep taunting him, something about his parents. I really don't know what it is but I've had to break at least two of those fights before it got worse.

I just saw the last fight. Or what was left of it. I don't know who did it but it was horrible. An image of Potter that will give me nightmares, not that any presence of Potter on my dreams ends as a nightmare, but it really gave me chills.

How can anyone be so cruel?

I've heard of this "Voldemort", a Dark Lord that tortures and kills people. His group of "Death Eaters" have killed so many that even the Daily Prophet has a section for the murders they have commited. Truly revolting.

Even if Potter is my enemy, I don't believe he should've been attacked. I heard from Madam Pomfrey he nearly died. As I peeked across the curtains I was shocked from all the scars he's got! Were all of them due to this attack?

Maybe I'll try to be easier with him. Yes, that is what I will do. I don't promise I won't ever lose my temper with him, but I'll give him my best shot.

_**A/N: **__**Small after father's day surprise! I almost forgot I was going to do this story with many journals and diaries from different characters. I wrote this quick part before I forget or regret adding more character's POV. Do you think I should continue integrating more POVs? **_

_**I'd like to thank imsonotagirl93 and prongster for reviewing as well as livin and breathin!.. Yes I'm back and you're not dreaming! You did review chap. 4 but I took my note out since I'm back and running. **_


	6. James' Journal Entry 5

**Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. A life that now deals with more than just laughter and jokes. James is now with the world on his shoulders. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this?**

**Author's Note: This fic would be a mix of Journal Entries, not only from James' but from other people. Just trying out a darker more angst James, than most stories.**

**Disclaimer: Characters you've already read from J.K. Rowling do not belong to me! **

**James' Journal Entry #****5**

It took about three days for Madam Pomfrey to let me out. That meant I was at least a week in the Hospital Wing. I did have the _glamour charms, _but the _concealing creams _wore off and I think I scared her a little. I think she didn't expect the how awful the scarring on my body, and I clarify I still had the _glamour charms_ ON. Still, as expected she sent a request to St. Mungo's with my permission to get my medical profile.

I'm still not completely out of the woods as I need to go daily to put on some Dittany on it. I expect that as soon as she knows what I went through she won't let me go. I hope I can hide from her, but she has the Hogwarts' house elves on her side. They seem to know where everyone is.

It is ironic how fickle things, such as popularity and fame, are. Before the attack people hated me and now ever since I've been out of the Hospital Wing I've received thousands of pity glares. I completely despise them. I thought that I had a safe haven here, now I really don't know where to feel safe.

As for my sleeping pattern, I continue waking up into the whee ours of the morning. The only good days I get enough sleep is when I take the Dreamless Sleep Potion, I decided that it is vital for me to get enough rest so I've been drinking every day. Sometimes one vial is not strong enough and I drink two.

Keeping up with my classes has been extremely hard. Even with a good night's rest, I grow tired by the end of the third of eight periods of classes. I always take an Invigorating Draught with me to take between third and fourth period and seventh and eight period. I don't know what I'd ever do without these potions.

I guess you were probably wondering if they questioned me. And I guess they did. I don't think they'd ever let me go without questioning me. Professor McGonagall was vivid when she heard about the attack. Professor Dumbledore also came to question me. I wasn't much help, since I pretended I didn't remember. Only after denying it over a thousand times was when they left me alone. Madam Pomfrey explained that it could be that I've blocked the memory. Sometimes the brain does things you can't understand, is what she said. But you and I both know that what I'm lying.

I'm still wondering why I denied knowing who were the ones who injured me. But I think it is because I've gotten used to hiding everything. What use would it give me to tattle them out? The expulsion of Severus Snape and his gang would've been worth it years ago. Now, I think I feel as pathetic as they are. I now see the damage I've made throughout the years.

Every action has a consequence; at least I'm glad it was me instead of the Marauders. I see them staring at me with shame. I pretend I don't notice them. I guess I'm not the only one affected by this whole attack. But I did confront Snape yesterday.

_I saw him walking alone. It is now or never. _

"_Snape," I called him. "We need to talk NOW."_

_I saw him shiver. Really pathetic. "I'm not going to hurt you, even if I could now that your lapdogs are not here."_

"_What do you want Potter? To thank you for not selling us out? If you're coming for that forget it!" Snape said pushing me away. _

"_You got back for what I did to you these past years. I won't tell anyone. But I can if you continue. You got your revenge now leave ME ALONE. We're even. Tell DUMB one and two to get out of my way. Remember I still have saved your ass even as much as I hate you."_

"_Don't remind me," disgust was clearly on Snape's face and voice. _

_With that I left. _

I guess it was not out of bravery, just fairness. I'm not sure what is even fair in this world. Last year, I would've been extremely mad and would've made Snape payback. But I can't I'm not the same. I see things differently, childhood disputes are clearly not something I'm worrying about even if I should. I'm still a kid. Or at least I was in my parents' eyes.

I miss them. I truly do.

Liz misses them as well. She has snuck and sent me a couple of mails after she got news that I was attacked. If you checked our mail it would seem our "letters" were simply memos. Three or four lines tops. But if you said the password, the real letter would be revealed. Is a small secret we both learned from dad.

"Memo from Liz":

**James, **

**Are you alright? Heard you were attacked. **

**Miss you and take care of yourself.**

**Love, **

**L****iz**

If you said the password: _Potter's are the best. _It would reveal:

**James,**

**You nearly gave me a heart attack when I heard you were attacked! What happened?! So many bad things have happened to you. ****I'm scared. I don't know what I would do without you. They check my mail, especially if it got your name on it. Is there a way we can talk without using the fire or mail? They've trashed your bedroom. They think I don't know but I use the secret passageway to your room. Respond this letter by calling for Cary. She'll get it to me. Do send another, **_**THEY**_** will be expecting your answer.**

**Please be careful James. **

**Love always,**

**Liz**

I miss my little angel so much. When I was beaten down she'd call Carly and Dinky to help me heal my broken ribs or bones. I would be dead without them of that I'm sure. There were days I just wanted to let go. To stop fighting. But just thinking about what could happen to Liz if I'm gone, gives me strength.

What has surprised me from this whole ordeal is how Lily has been treating me lately. She's acts like I'm finally human. Someone she can acknowledge. Or actually just tutor.

Due to the attack I've needed a huge amount of help with catching up classes. I might never admit it but I don't have anyone else who would've helped me catch up. Remus used to fill that void. _Sigh_. I seem to end a nightmare to enter another one.

It upsets me more than I could ever describe that Lily might think she was all the time right. That I'm a disgrace, that everything was always given to me easy. Which I won't deny, I grew up with powerful parents whose teachings must have rubbed on me. Therefore I guess compared to Lily I understood the basics of magic well, and it helps immensely to channel your magic towards charms or transfiguration.

After the accident, Lily probably thinks I'm her helpless case and does what she's doing out of pity. Pity because I'm powerless, weak, defenseless. Pity of knowing that my friends have left me and pity of what she saw me attacked. If she'd only seen me after the Death Eaters left my home that would drive her overboard with sympathy.

I barely talk, even if Madam Pomfrey keeps pushing me to open up. Says it's not healthy to keep everything inside. As the only person who's actually around me is Lily or Madam Pomfrey I guess I opened up a bit with Lily.

I admitted for the first time that my parents are dead. It is the first time I actually tell someone that my parents died.

And it hurt.

I never had to admit it to Sirius, Remus, or Peter. The whole wizarding world knew about the attack. First page for a whole week. Details were kept shut. I guess they were more concerned on who would get the Potter siblings.

Admitting that your parents are dead is hard. For the first time ever after, I broke down. I didn't before, maybe because I needed to be strong for Liz. But now instead of feeling better, I feel vulnerable. As if I expect Lily to get her senses back and use what she just saw against me just like everyone has being doing in these past few months.

I feel lost. It is hard not to feel this way. This summer has taught me how fragile things are and sadly I haven't put an effort to savage what has been left of my friendship with the Marauders.

Full moon is coming soon. I only hope maybe I can patch things up with the Marauders. Or not. Who knows what these brittle days may bring.

Sweet Dreams L.

_**A/N: **__**I would like to say that I've had a rough week. But I believe we all have had a rough couple of days many unexpected shocking moments. All I can say is not to take life for granted it is too valuable. I'm not talking only about MJ or Farrah Fawcett, but I guess we can add them as well into it. Society will always honor their icons. **_

_**I'd like to thank those of you who took their time to review my ffic. I really will give it my best or try at least to upload constantly. =) **_

_**MareG8 Liz is about 9 going to 10. She and James are sort of "step siblings" but since the one who raised them was really Vanessa, not Monica, they will never consider themselves as step-anything. **_

_**Imsonotagirl93 and livin and breathin : I thought exactly like u all.. I'll make more James focused journal entries. He is the one who's struggling the most. But I will still write a few journal entries from other characters just to mix it up a little. **_

_**Please R&R. It's encouraging to read your opinions. It'll hopefully shape me up to a better writer.**_

_**Thanks!**_


	7. James' Journal Entry 6

**Summary: James Potter, the hot, athletic, and best looking guy at Hogwarts. You'd think his life is so perfect. Right? Think not. A sudden twist, a tragedy, changes the once perfect life of this Maurader. A life that now deals with more than just laughter and jokes. James is now with the world on his shoulders. How will Lily and the Mauraders get him out of this?**

**Author's Note: This fic would be a mix of Journal Entries, not only from James' but from other people. Just trying out a darker more angst James, than most stories.**

**Disclaimer: Characters you've already read from J.K. Rowling do not belong to me! **

**James' Journal Entry #****6**

Classes have been dreadful. Professors keep pushing us to our limit. They want us to perfect silent spells. These spells drain your energy and test our patience like no other. I told you last time that I had to take two invigorating draughts, well now I take four.

It does take me time to prepare the potions, so my schedule has been a bit cramped. I wake up before everyone else does so that there aren't any awkward conversations between my roommates and I. I'm also the last one to go to bed. This way I make sure everyone's asleep before I drink my Dreamless Sleep Potions, yes POTIONS with an S, apparently now one vial is definitely not enough! Even if I'm dead tired with prefect duties, making potions, or doing the extensive amount of homework NEWT level preparation classes apparently require, I know I'll wake up screaming, shaking and cold without the potion. So I'd rather drink it than reliving my hell.

_Glamour charms_ and _concealing creams_ have been my excellent every day companions. With them I can pretend the world is a happy place. People have stopped whispering behind my back, which is quite an improvement for me. I thought that chicks wanted me because of Quidditch but apparently not being on Quidditch makes no matter as they flick their eyes towards me. I give them a swooning smile. Then stop and frown. Then I want to hit myself hard for frowning, but truthfully I do not have my heart on that smile. The smile is just a small fragment of a second where my old me resides. At least I know there's a tiny little part of me that hasn't died.

Meals in the Great Halls have been consisting of the Marauders giving me silent apologetic looks as if they had caused the attack. I want them to STOP! I want them to joke with me about our next prank. I need something to distract my overflowing thoughts of nightmares that fill my brain.

I wish I could just go to the Room of Requirement and hide from everyone's stares. But for now I'm stuck in History lessons from Binns.

Since everyone is either sleeping or talking and I've got no one to talk to, I guess I should start writing about these week events.

As predicted, Madam Pomfrey did get my medical profile and "studied" my case. I've got no idea what my medical profile says, but from the time it took her to understand it, it must be pretty hefty.

Since then, she's been nonstop about my health. She was curious about the nightmares I had on the Hospital Wing but kept shut, thinking I'd forgotten about what happened the night my parents and didn't want to push the issue before knowing what she was getting into.

Now that she clearly knows what she's getting into, she knows that things are way different than what the Daily Prophet announced. The photos of my injuries made her pale of just thinking about them.

_We were in the middle of Professor Slughorn's Potion's class__ which was on the third period trying to brew the Draught of Living Dead. When someone knocked the door. _

"_Horace, I apologize for the interruption but I need Mr. Potter," the stern healer requested. _

_I was confused. Why would she want me?_

"_Well Mr. Potter, pick up your belongings, you don't want to keep the lady waiting."_

_Without saying a word, I packed my things. Whispers started again. I groaned but didn't look back. As I left the classroom I faced Madam Pomfrey. Her eyes were puffy. I was nervous. Did something wrong happen? My mind started running a thousand thoughts, especially concerning Elizabeth. If something did ever happen to her I don't know what I would do._

"_You're in no trouble Mr. Potter. It is just that I've received your medical profile, and believed that there are vital things we need to go over with."_

_When she said that I released a breath I didn't know I was holding to. _

"_Yes, of course." At least it wasn't bad news, just troubling. I don't know if I was prepared to deal with her questioning. I don't even know if I have enough energy to stay awake for more than an hour._

_The walk to the Hospital Wing was a silent one that did nothing but perk my nerves. __Should I get drink my Invigorating Draught now? I think I'd rather not in front of her. Once we entered the Hospital Wing, she motioned I enter her office. _

"_Ma'am. Is it really necessary to talk about my medical profile? I really don't think I'd even understand the terminology of them."__ Hoping to end this __**conversation**__ fast!_

"_Mr. Potter-Fritz," as she said that hideous last name I cringed._

"_STOP," I ordered her. "Don't call me Fritz. Please. If you do want to talk to me, I'd rather you call me just Mr. Potter, like you've always called me, or James, if you want."_

_She looked at me surprised and stared at me as if she were analyzing me. Finally she said, "James, in these folders in here I have read the amount of torture you've been submitted to."_

"_And you're wondering what happened to the scars?" I spilled before she could ask._

"_Well, yes, according to these files you should be in the middle of scarring healing process, which you haven't requested me to help you with. And I know that your eating habits need to improve dramatically for you to get healthy again."_

_My eating habits? I know I haven't exactly been eating like I did last year, but compared to how much I ate during the summer how I'm eating now would seem like a feast. I bit my lip before let slip something that I'd regret. _

_I guess __Madam Pomfrey noticed my discomfort and continued talking. _

"_It also says here that you have neglected to buy the potions to help your strained muscles and after-trauma draughts."_

_When did they ever offer me those things? Part of me isn't surprised that the Fritz ignored the healers' orders or requests. _

"_Mr. Potter, I need you to speak to me I read about your constant nightmares after you got out of your magical coma," Madam Pomfrey said softly looking at my medical file. "You haven't even gone to a Mind Healer, ignored the weekly check-ups. I can't believe you're disregarding completely your Healers orders!"_

_Mind healers?__ Checkups? I can't remember the "orders" she keeps nagging about! Stupid, really stupid of me to think that I never had to go to St. Mungo's for a checkup! But I guess part of me doesn't want to go back there. Too many bad memories. Very bad days. _

_I sighed and closed my eyes. Soft waves of exhaustion were slowly taking over me._

"_Mr. Potter? Can you try explaining to me your actions?" she asked. If only it were that simple. "You seem to be on the verge of passing out, but you don't seem to be pale or" she stopped seeming to draw her conclusions of what's going on._

"_Do you have glamour charms on?" she questioned me. I kept silent__ and looked away as a wave of magic uncovered the glamour charms. She gasped. "Mr. Potter get into one of those beds immediately. I don't know how you're even getting to classes in the state you're in."_

"_Really, I__'ve handled worse I just nee-," _

Before I could finish Madam Pomfrey hit me with a Sleeping Spell and I fell into a deep sleep. For once in a very long time I felt calm and relaxed. I guess Poppy added a few other charms on me as well. But it felt strange, a bit even foreign. If you had two months of sleep deprivation and constant pain you'd also feel odd. I'd forgotten how peaceful things could be.

But good things always do end and I had to wake up and face the real world. Has anyone ever told you that it is rude to talk when someone is sleeping? Apparently the Dumbledore and McGonagall are over that rule, because their nonstop bickering was what woke me up.

Apparently scans have showed I've used constantly Dreamless Sleep Potions and Invigorating Draughts. I admitted I used them frequently but they say it's almost to the point of addiction.

I guess it was naïve of me to think that potions could save the world. I know I NEED them, but people expect so much of me, too much. I expect it as well. Is it bad to have high standards? Future is something incredibly important for me. I NEED to succeed in life. But at what cost?

I've never heard any of the Marauders getting an addiction to anything, maybe we did joke about being addicted to Quidditch but really, who doesn't? The Dreamless Sleep Potions are not that bad, in the "addiction" sense of it, but Madam Pomfrey has prohibited them from me. What is worse is the amount of Invigorating Draughts I've drank, since I've even taken regularly about four to five draughts a regular day, six to eight if I have to patrol or need to stay up too late. That is A LOT. Apparently, you should not drink more than a vial a day, two tops. The accumulated amount of Draughts I've drank is poisonous. You're not supposed to drink a bit of Vampire's blood mixed with Dragon's liver. See? That is what happens when I don't have people checking over me. Friendless. Parentless. I'm a mess.

It seems that I end one hell to engage in another one.

Now, I apparently will have even less time for myself. Poppy wants me to start the "healing scar" treatments twice a week. I never knew why they hurt so much, but now I do. Apparently the magical salts reopen your wounds and seal them up scar-free. Did I write it well? It REOPENS my wounds to heal them correctly!

Last night was also full moon, which meant Remus was around the Hospital Wing. I had a healing scar treatment with Madam Pomfrey. Ironically, the wounds that reopened where not the ones from Snape's spell (because these ones have already healed well with the Ditanny) nor the ones from the Death Eaters attack, but from my time with the Fritz. And man it did hurt, it is incredibly painful I could not keep myself from screaming and that is saying a lot. As the wounds closed, I was nearly to the point of passing out when I heard the door open and saw Remus. I think he heard me scream. I hope he keeps it to himself. He is the reason I snuck out at six thirthy o'clock in the morning.

Sleep did come easy. It is the first good night's sleep without the Dreamless Sleep Potion. Thank Merlin I slept well, cause I do have a lot of homework to be done before class starts today. I heard Lily that she drinks a muggle drink called _coffee_. Hmm. Maybe I can ask the house elves to give me some.

I've got no time to waste it's already 7am. Goodbye.

_**A/N: **__**It's been a long almost couple of weeks. I'm really sorry I haven't updated as much as I would've liked. I will warn you all that my next update will probably be in two weeks. Next week I'll be parched with exams and projects. Thanks for keeping up with me. I'll try to make my next chapter much longer worth the wait. **_

_**Thanks to imsonotagirl93**__**, JosefinHale and III (you should have your fanfiction account! Maybe I'd check out your profile page to check out your fave ffics!) **_

_**Livin and breathin - thanks as always…! I will reunite the Marauders soon! **_

_**Prongster - I know…! But it'll all work out… soon…**_

_**Book-worm62 – Posted it!... At last!**_


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